Not been sleeping too well these last few nights.
But oddly, it’s not that I’m having nightmares, or even (ill) health-related dreams. And I’m not waking up anxious with lots of deep thoughts going through my mind.
Sub-consciously, though, the challenge that lies ahead is obviously starting to have some effect.
I’m glad in a way. Glad because, although I’ve said I’m trying to keep things as normal as possible, things still feel just a bit too normal given that I get a CT scan on Tuesday and start Chemo on Wednesday.
I’m beginning to ask questions of myself around denial. Do I truly, honestly know what’s happening and what to expect? Answer? I honestly don’t know. I think I do. I’m reading up on it. But is it still to properly hit me?
I’ve had loads of brilliant advice from family, friends and blog followers (keep it coming, folks!), and one of the recurring themes is the power of keeping yourself busy.
That’s not hugely difficult with 8, 5 and 4 year olds at home, two teenage sons living close by, and a wife who – by mutual agreement – is not allowing me to ‘ease off’ on the daily parental tasks until the treatment starts to kick in.
This weekend’s just flown by given the many positive distractions that have come my way.
Saturday morning was spent at Finlay’s nursery Christmas Fair, before I took Millie to a karaoke birthday party at a familiar venue. I say familiar – it was the first time I’d been in there sober! Saturday lunchtime sober karaoke is a whole different new world (and they didn’t do themed rounds!).
I managed to squeeze in 90 minutes of Christmas Shopping in the Princes Street wind and rain, then home for a ‘power nap’ and off to the monthly ‘Messy Church’ arts and craft play afternoon organised brilliantly by the good folks at Liberton Kirk (thanks for the card – much appreciated).
I even crow-barred in an hour catching up with some former Scottish Office work colleagues who I’d not seen for years before finishing the day watching boxing on the phone and football on telly at the same time – who says men can’t multi-task?
Today saw a wee shopping trip to Fort Kinnaird in the ‘weather bomb’ then my folks, sister and bro-in-law visited, to allow us to mark my dad’s 70th birthday.
His actual big day is Wednesday, but trust me to go and spoil the fun…
Same goes for poor Louise’s 40th next summer. For ages now we’ve been talking about luxury foreign break options to mark her big Four-O in July. But even if treatment goes well I’ll be on a ‘no fly’ recovery programme. I’ve told her that Seton Sands can be lovely mid-summer. Especially with a caravan upgrade…!