Hello again

The problem with saying you are going to fight cancer with everything you’ve got is that there’s no manual.

You have to write your own one, and re-write it as you go along.

At least that’s what I’m finding.

This last week’s been tough. For me and those close to me. A lot tougher than I expected.

Last week’s chemo was fine and as you’ll have read I was pleased to get out of hospital early.

But physically – and much more importantly mentally – I have been in a difficult place.

I’ve been on tablets for depression and anxiety for around 5 years now so the blow of a cancer diagnosis was never likely to improve my mental health!

I knew steroid treatment on Sat, Sun and Mon would almost certainly have an adverse effect – I’d been warned about the highs and the lows.

But I wasn’t prepared for the roller coaster of the past few days. Actually roller coaster is wrong description as it has highs as well as lows.

I never intended to write a daily blog but had planned an earlier update. But I just couldn’t bring myself to type a single word until now.

Thankfully I feel a lot, lot better today – despite being back in the Western.

During and after my steroids I just felt, well, bleurgh. Struggled to explain it. Irritated but not painful tummy. Loss of taste buds. Mind racing. Lack of focus and concentration. Wanting to sleep as a way of avoidance.

Just low and depressed and wondering what this ‘fight’ thing was all about.

But I was also ill. I’d caught a bug and when you’re on chemo and your white cells are reduced then you’ve got to be very careful.

Sore throat on Tuesday and dizzy turn on Wednesday was followed by a temperature beyond the ‘magic’ 38 degrees that saw me ‘recalled’ to hospital on Wed afternoon to be closely monitored.

Two more 38+ temps saw me put on a course of intravenous antibiotics and a need to go 72 hours with temp back under control before I get released again.

The good news is that the antibiotics are working. I still felt crap yesterday but have been 100% better today.

In fact I feel better today than at any time since I started chemo but will still probably be stuck in here til Sunday. Sod’s Law.

I say here. I’m currently in the fourth room of my third ward since coming in two days ago. Assessment Ward one night, Oncology Ward (where I shared a room, a toilet and a shower with seven other men, most a lot more ill than I was) last night, and tonight back to the Haematology Unit where I had chemo last week.

I’m not unpacking my bag though…

A x